Got Porn? He Sure Does

All men like porn, right? How do I know if my husband is addicted? He spends a couple hours almost every night looking at porn after I’ve gone to bed. He says he’s just “relaxing” but I don’t think it’s so innocent.

I think it’s pretty funny you managed to juxtapose “porn” and “innocent.” In any case, staying tucked away in a darkened room, staring at writhing, slippery bodies on the computer for hours at a time might not be the problem. But it sure is a symptom.

Here are some other symptoms I’ll bet you’ve noticed. The two of you find it difficult to have an intimate conversation. When you do have sex (which isn’t often), it’s over in a flash, and probably only one of you is satisfied. You don’t go out and do anything fun anymore. He says there’s no problem, but he seems to barely know you’re there.

Something has happened in your relationship or in his life that makes watching porn alone a desirable alternative to reality. It could be many things  - and not all of them have to do with sex or sexual repression. It could have something to do with how your relationship has evolved over the years.

For whatever reason, the intimacy between the two of you is gone. Obsessively viewing pornography takes the place of that intimacy, and prevents you from connecting together.

If you want to get to the bottom of it, you need to start talking with each other, or with a counselor. And if he won’t go with you, go by yourself. Because if the only place he’s comfortable is in a darkened room by himself, you might have to leave him there.

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